Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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