Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Be still, my beating vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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