Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
