Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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