I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
