If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
