I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
