Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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