I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize