Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
