If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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