Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
