Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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