Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
