She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
