If that was your dad, he is hot
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
