please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
