How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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