"it" just moved
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
