Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tornado booty call.. dedication
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
