I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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