I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
