Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
