For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
