I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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