She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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