Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
