I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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