im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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