the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
