You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!â€. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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