how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
