It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
