So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
