you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
