DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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