had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
