You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
