gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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