it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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