Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
