Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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