My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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