i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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