I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
