he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
