Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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