Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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