In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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