Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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