I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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