I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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