Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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