You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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