Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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