I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
