i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
