there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
