i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
