Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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