i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
