Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
