I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
