Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
