I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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