I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
