And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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