I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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