when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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