Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
