I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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