Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
