battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
